that urge

urgh.. i hate it. that urge to do something that u know u'd love to do but u know u can't do coz it's bad but u really really want to but u know u just can't. u know that feelin'? irritating kan? it's like your brain already told u that it's bad and logically u know u shouldn't but your heart just says 'Go for it!'. then u're gonna be like.. should i follow my heart or my brain? haha! this thing i wanna do, i know it's bad and i know it's not gonna give me anything else but comfort, satisfaction and probably some interesting conversations which might end with something sooo messed up and soooo bloody wrong. LOL! but then again, at least it's there to make days and nights interesting and hard at the same time.

ps: tattoo of 2 cards - an Ace and a 7 of hearts. cool?

am i guilty?

how would it be like if one day someone came up to u and tell u that because of u, his/her life has changed entirely? when all they could think of is u, all great pleasures in life can't be enjoyed because they kept comparing it to u or what it's like if u were apart of it. how would u feel?? will it make u feel guilty for making those decisions in the past? would it make u feel like crap?

all i could say is i'm sorry, but not once, not even after i know all this, will i regret what i did. i never regret anything in my past because i believe that there's always a reason to it. even tho u'd say that i should, and if i'm not that i'm a horrible person, i couldn't care less. coz i know, if i've done differently, i won't be here right now, knowing you, him, her and them. and for that, i am thankful enough for not having any regrets. ;)

He's the one..

Not everyone's there through the bad times, but most of them are there through the good times. they stay long, but when they see that i'm falling, they kept their distance. i have all the obvious ups and downs in life. i know when i'm in the ups and when i'm all the way down. now, i'm down. new people appear in my life during this part of my life, one or two at least. most of those from my good times went by, fade away, drift more and more in distance. but one, stayed. not because he's have that title, but because he's a friend, a true friend. he stayed all the way through. he held my hand all the way. he's he. he's the one.

I Love You.

Always...

-Love-

Chicken soup.. i took this when i was 'there'. now i'm strong ;)

When an emotional injury takes place,
the body begins a process
as natural as the healing
of a physical wound.

Let the process happen.
Trust that nature
will do the healing.

Know that the pain will pass,
and, when it passes,
you will be stronger,
happier; more sensitive and aware.

Mel Colgrove
from How to Survive the Loss of a Love

Is it Love, Mr. Right?

i read a note-post in my facebook by a friend of mine. She said that, if your other half have all this...

" is it easy to be together?

do you have good physical chemistry?

do you have fun together?

do you feel safe with him, knowing that he won't lie, hurt you, humiliate or abandon you?

and do you respect him as he is right now (and does he in turn respect you)?"

(which she quoted from Mira Kirshenbaum, author of "Is He Mr Right?"), then he's Mr. Right. reading that it really made me think bout, of course, my Mr. Love.

is it easy to be together? - if easy, as in it's easy to be with or see each other any time of the day, whenever we want to, then it's not. to fly that 3 hours flight across the South China Sea to him is not, and i repeat, NOT CHEAP! but as far as the relationship goes, other than being apart it ain't that hard compared to my other Mr. I-thought-was-Mr-Right. then again, it's not easy to be together.. :(

do you have good physical chemistry? - YES (no elaboration needed) ;p

do you have fun together? - yes yes yes and yes.. that's how we fell for each other. ;)

do you feel safe with him, knowing that he won't lie, hurt you, humiliate or abandon you? - now this, was the question that made me stop a while and think back through all those unpleasant moments we had. but, being in a relationship you have to be fair and one thing for sure is that my Mr. Love and i believe that fairness can solve everything. easy.. before doing or say anything, put yourself in your partner's shoes. if upon doing that you surely won't get hurt, then, if you partner end up, one day, doing or saying that thing, you have no rights whatsoever, to get mad or say, "i'm hurt.." and give that face. fair right? but being the naturally emotional creature on earth, no matter how you think you won't get hurt with what you're about to do, eventually when they were the one doing it, you or rather us girls will surely crush. how can we know he won't lie? or hurt us? of course not humiliate us la, if that's so you'd be stupid to be drooling over that guy who actually have the heart to humiliate his own girlfriend. and abandon you? how to be sure? i think i have to come up with a contract or make him actually swear that he'll make me feel safe, won't lie or hurt me and even won't humiliate or abandon me. ;p will it be fair? then i'll have to do the same. sigh.. i have no answer to this one. :(

and do you respect him as he is right now (and does he in turn respect you)? - yes and yes. ;)

if, says the author, any one of the above point is missing, then he's not Mr Right.

so.. ??

The Secret - Ashley Hay

'The sun may shine upon a bit of broken glass till it glitters like a diamond,
but then if you take it up,
you will only cut your fingers.'
Lady Caroline Lamb

Life

''they say we leave this world just the way we came into it.. naked and alone.
so if we do leave with nothing, what then, is the measure of a life?
is it define by the people we choose to love?
or is life simply the measure of our accomplishments?
and what is we failed? or never truly loved?
what then?
can we ever measure up?.." - One Tree Hill 605

Thanks for the idea

nyiah..
and i'm on blogspot.com

call me adelinervity coz that's 2/3rd of my full name. yep yep..
i'm 23 and jobless (for now..) and this will keep me busy.
born and brought up in Marudi, Sarawak.

thanks to Mr. Bon Bon on my facebook, i declare this blog..

officially open! ;p

(he just got tired of my notes on facebook ;p)