that urge

urgh.. i hate it. that urge to do something that u know u'd love to do but u know u can't do coz it's bad but u really really want to but u know u just can't. u know that feelin'? irritating kan? it's like your brain already told u that it's bad and logically u know u shouldn't but your heart just says 'Go for it!'. then u're gonna be like.. should i follow my heart or my brain? haha! this thing i wanna do, i know it's bad and i know it's not gonna give me anything else but comfort, satisfaction and probably some interesting conversations which might end with something sooo messed up and soooo bloody wrong. LOL! but then again, at least it's there to make days and nights interesting and hard at the same time.

ps: tattoo of 2 cards - an Ace and a 7 of hearts. cool?

am i guilty?

how would it be like if one day someone came up to u and tell u that because of u, his/her life has changed entirely? when all they could think of is u, all great pleasures in life can't be enjoyed because they kept comparing it to u or what it's like if u were apart of it. how would u feel?? will it make u feel guilty for making those decisions in the past? would it make u feel like crap?

all i could say is i'm sorry, but not once, not even after i know all this, will i regret what i did. i never regret anything in my past because i believe that there's always a reason to it. even tho u'd say that i should, and if i'm not that i'm a horrible person, i couldn't care less. coz i know, if i've done differently, i won't be here right now, knowing you, him, her and them. and for that, i am thankful enough for not having any regrets. ;)

Internetless

so susah.. no internet at home :(
no updates soon. hopefully after New Years..

what i've been doin?
let's see.. club, club, drink, more clubs.. sleep eat and i go jogging jugak
eat sleep eat sleep
design the interior of my new home :) it was fun but tiring..
shopping, baking and then eat again..
hehe ;p
hang out at the beach taking poyo pictures.. well...
long phone conversations with sayang.. uh.. saya rindoo kamoo!!

so far, it has been fun and boring at the same time.
but still, appreciating every second of it.